Natural Dirty People

Natural Dirty People ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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a scene from the movie A Million Ways to Die in the West (Opinion: You need to watch the entire movie for it to be funny, the trailer is the worst depiction of the movie as the trailer isn't funny at all, because the scenes are taken out of context and context is what makes this entire movie funny.)

Weeeelcome chiiiiilllldren, let's say, "Hello!~" to another beautiful day in Post-Apocalyptia! This is your daily Public Service Announcement: Now I know most you listening to this broadcast already know this, but more and more people are crawling out the cracks of rocks having spent the last 200 years in a Vault, a fridge, or some where outside the atmosphere. For those of you seeing the wasteland for the first time this Public Service Announcement is for you!

Now there's a reason they call it "The Wasteland" children, it's because ever since those atomic bombs dropped and obliterated most of our way of life, everything's turned to shit! Things aren't like they were 200 years ago. Every day is a fight to stay alive! Remember the old west and how we used to listen to stories about how exciting it was back then and how the Heroes always were spit-polished, shiny, and clean? Well, the wasteland isn't exactly like that! Oh we got excitement all right, if you call staring down the barrel of a gun being held by a crazy psychopath who will most likely end up mutilating your ass either before or after they kill you on an almost daily basis "exciting". Then we got "loads" of it! And those are just the HUMAN threats.

Everything that isn't you wants to kill you! Everything is fucking radioactive: almost any pre-war food you find will be radioactive and almost all the water everywhere is radioactive! Food is so scarce outside of towns that people will actually try to eat YOU! And water, water is the most precious resource of all: good quality, clean, and purified water is the new gold! In some places breathing in the air can actually kill you! Finding a Doctor especially when you need one RIGHT NOW is like finding a non-disease-ridden-needle in a medical-waste stack, so naturally diseases run rampant and you could die from a fucking prick on your finger! Now with all this shit piled onto of us that we got to deal with on a daily basis "looking nice & puurrrrdy for you" ain't at the top of our to-do-list!

With the possibility of dying by giving yourself the tiniest little cut, shaving anything other the face has gone WAY "out of fashion" and most us just say, "Ah fuck it, that's one less thing for me to worry about!", except for Raiders: they burn they it all off because they're crazy, and Ghouls: